


Seeking Warmth

by AllisonAllura



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Adultery, Angst and Feels, Character Death, Death, F/M, Feels, Help, I'm Sorry, Implied Sexual Content, Please Kill Me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:55:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22389778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllisonAllura/pseuds/AllisonAllura
Summary: Jihyun has been on his travels trying to find himself, leaving you to wonder if he'll ever come back. You find comfort in a common friend, Jumin Han.IMPLIED NSFW does happen here, it does not go into detail.This is a work I did a while ago that I'm quite proud of so I'm sharing it here!
Relationships: Han Jumin/Main Character, Han Jumin/Reader, V | Kim Jihyun & Main Character, V | Kim Jihyun & Reader, V | Kim Jihyun/Reader
Comments: 13
Kudos: 50





	1. Seeking Warmth

It had been almost a year since you have seen the one who held your heart, his soft mint eyes and matching hair was still as prominent as ever in your memory when you closed your eyes at night. sometimes that would be a blessing but more often it would be a curse, binding you with loneliness so crushing it made it hard to breathe. Jihyun had left, for a reason, you couldn't quite understand. to become a man worthy of your love. You supported his choices, but you had already given your heart willingly to him. After everything, he went through with Rika... who were you to stop him from finding who he was by himself? being selfish with him was never an option but had you known it would have been for so long, maybe you wouldn't have just forced yourself to smile and wave as he got in the car the last time you saw his face.

Every day the loneliness grew, You had grown so used to his face being the first thing you saw every morning and the last thing you saw every night. Now there was nothing but an unused pillow and empty sheets that had lost his comforting scent long ago. Every day you held hope that he would be right outside the front door, waiting for you with open arms, seeing the bright smile you had grown to love and the soft scent of his pipe that you had found so comforting.

But as the days turned into weeks, weeks into months, the days growing colder and longer as that hope you held in your heart slowly begin to fade, the light he had given you being shadowed by darkness. No matter how often you told yourself that he’d come back the nights would always draw forth that echoing voice in the back of your mind, convincing you he would never return to you. That he didn’t need to come back. Maybe he found happiness wherever he was and didn’t need you anymore and just didn’t have the heart to tell you he wasn’t returning. It was repetitive and tiering to even attempt to silence the voice of anxiety at this point.

Did he ever love you in the first place? Or were you just a distraction so he could pretend he had found something else other than Rika? No. You were positive he loved you, the light he showed you… it was nothing akin to anything that Rika had ever seen.

Even the convincing of your own thoughts brought forth more questions. why was he gone for so long? Had he grown tired of you? Were you not worth coming back to? The thoughts that haunted your every waking moment lead to sleepless tear-filled nights, Wondering what you were doing wrong. You knew it was pointless but you were slowly losing the battle to hold hope in your heart.

You had always looked forward to his letters, they were reminders that he still thought about you, the signature was always the same and seeing it never failed to bring a smile to your face.

_“With all of my love,_

_Jihyun”_

But now those letters that brought you so much joy were nothing but cruel reminders of the emptiness you had growing inside of you, sitting on your desk in a pile mocking you… pushing you deeper and deeper into the void. Now when a new letter arrived it would be placed into a box that was shoved in the back of your closet, along with all the ones you had to remove from your sight even if you couldn’t bring yourself to get rid of them. The guilt was instant the moment the thought of even doing so emerged in your mind. It would be like throwing your heart away, but you couldn’t open them either, most of the letters still sealed. Dreading the possibility that just one of them, was him informing you that he wouldn't return… or what he thought was love with you was something entirely different.

It seemed the only happiness you could find was in the RFA. Each had their own way of trying to brighten your day, Zen would send you a selfie of himself, Yoosung would send you encouraging words telling you everything will be fine and V will come back for you, sometimes he would offer you over to his dorm to play LOLOL with him, Seven would send you a meme every hour on the dot, never failing to miss even a single one. Jaehee would often invite you out to coffee to get you out of the apartment and give you some quality girl time to talk about your troubles.

But the member who you found most comfort in, much to your own surprise.. was Jumin. Whenever you needed someone to talk to Jumin always seemed to be available, no matter the time of day, on the days where you couldn’t stand to be anywhere near the place you would call him, he would offer you to come to his penthouse for wine or go for a stroll in the park which was surprising since he never liked being in the public eye often. Most times however you would spend with him in his penthouse, Him letting you talk while he listened. His coal eyes never leaving your form letting you know you had his full attention. You would often find yourself apologizing when you began to cry, he would assure you it was alright every time.

He would always be careful with how he replied, but it always comforted you. One afternoon the thoughts that haunted you were becoming too much, you were quick to call Jumin and ask if you could come to the penthouse. He accepted as soon as he heard your broken voice, informing you Driver Kim would be there in just a few moments to retrieve you. Jumin stayed on the phone with you until Driver Kim arrived, not wanting to leave you with those awful thoughts for another minute. As you got into the limo you assured Jumin you were fine and hung up.

On the way to his penthouse the sight of the city brought comfort, the tall buildings and bright lights were a welcome distraction as there was always something new to look at, weather it was bright signs for a new product or the everlooming C&R display. Moments later you were in front of the building where his penthouse was located, driver kim opened the door for you, after thanking him you made your way into the building, it was possibly one of the fanciest buildings you had ever seen, the lobby held a huge glass chandelier in the middle of the ceiling, the walls were decorated with fine pieces of art, pedestals displaying different vases or glass figures. The elevator ride was always smooth, the calming classical music that played taking your mind anywhere but the dark void where it had been. You didn’t even have to knock before Jumin had opened the door, You gave him a questioning look as you walked into the penthouse.

“Forgive me for not giving you time to knock, Driver Kim informed me you’d arrived and I figured you'd be at the door by then.” he spoke in his regular monotone voice. You nodded in understanding and smiled softly.

“Thank you for allowing me into your home again Jumin, I just couldn’t stay at the apartment for a moment longer and needed someone to talk to.” You spoke as calmly as you could, though your emotions still kept you on edge, your body tense and not able to find a moment's rest.

“I understand completely. You know you’re welcome here anytime you like, please have a seat.” he said gesturing towards his black leather couch, the cool air had made the leather become chill, your body shuddering at the contact as you sat though you sat down nonetheless. After you had become used to the chill touch he spoke bringing your attention back to him, he was holding two wine glasses in his hands as his eyes found yours before. “Would you care for some wine? It always seems to calm the nerves.” His voice never faltering.

“Yes please, thank you Jumin.” You said without much thought. Not even a minute later Jumin was handing you a glass filled halfway with red wine. After slowly taking it from his hand and thanking him you take a generous sip, the alcohol burning your throat as it went down, you could feel it traveling from your throat down to your stomach, knowing you weren’t going to be able to handle this very well you decided to take small sips from then on.

“Now what has you so distressed that you would ask to come here at eleven pm?” Your eyes widened at his statement, looking over to the clock mounted on the wall you suddenly felt guilty for disturbing him so late at night.

“Jumin, I’m so sorry I didn’t even realize..” Your sentence faded into silence and you stared down into your wine, you knew you should be going home as to not disturb him any further, but you couldn’t stand the idea of being alone again.

“There’s no need for apologies, I wouldn’t have accepted your request if I found it to be troublesome.” He stated plainly as you nodded. “Now, what has you troubled?” His eyes moving from his wine glass and locking into yours, his eyes softened once he noticed the tears welling up in your eyes. “MC?” His voice turned soft as stood from his spot on the couch to sit by your side. Surprisingly wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

“I can’t do this anymore Jumin.” Your voice cracked as you finally began to let the tears slide down your cheeks and drop onto your hands in your lap.

Jumin looked at you questiongly “Can’t do what anymore?” He had never seen you this upset as you always hid your tears around the RFA, your began began shaking ever so slightly from just how many emotions you were letting loose at once.

“I don’t think Jihyun’s coming back.. It’s been far too long!” The tears were now pouring down, you didn’t bother to try to contain them. “Maybe he’s found happiness wherever he is and doesn’t have a reason to come back anymore!” Your voice took a scared tone, not wanting to believe a word of it though it’s all you’ve thought about for months.

“You know that’s not true.” Jumin began, his voice returning to his business like state though remained soft. “His happiness is here, with you.” He attempted to speak more before you cut him off “Then why doesn’t he come back?!” You shouted as you stood up, your body had become weak as you fell to your knees, covering your eyes with your hands as tears continued to fall, some landing on the white carpet below.

“I just don’t understand..” Your voice was weak and fragile as you hugged yourself in an attempt to relax, Jumin sprung into action without thinking as he wrapped his arms around you embracing your tightly, your arms flying around him in return.

“I don’t know why he would leave such an amazing woman here MC, I really don’t.” He said as he pulled away from the hug gently cupping your face, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. As your eyes locked you felt someone you hadn’t felt in a long time.. Not since before Jihyun left… Affection.

You both sat in silence for a moment, eyes not looking away for even a moment.You weren’t quite sure what happened, but within seconds Jumin’s lips had found yours and you didn’t dare bother to pull away, the kiss was hungry and continuing to grow, all of your senses were on fire missing everything you had craved in the past year.

The night grew into things you were sure you would regret in the morning… but you didn’t. That night turned into months of secret meetings you kept from as many people as you could. Including the RFA.

However, over the past two weeks you had been feeling ill, you would tend to get sick in the mornings, sometimes you were afraid to even leave the bathroom. You suspected what was going on. “But it can’t be possible, we were so careful how even-” Your thoughts were snapped away as your eyes locked onto the white stick lying on the edge of the marble sink.

Slowly walking over you peered down to see that plus sign that you had been so afraid of for the past fifteen minutes. “How-” Your voice broke as you ran into the living room, snatching the phone from the glass coffee table to call Jumin.

The moment he answered you were in tears. “Jumin!” You spoke louder than intended, not even giving him the chance to speak. “I don’t know how this has happened, i-it has to be some mistake!” You spoke quickly, almost inaudible.

“Calm down, now what’s wrong?” The voice on the other end sounded different. This voice was more uplifting and not as deep, you then heard Jumin’s voice come through the phone and all thoughts about the mystery voice were pushed to the back of your mind. “MC what’s wrong?” Jumin attempted to speak as calmly as he could, though his voice faltered.

“I’m pregnant.”

The phone hit the floor, two voices from the other end began talking which quickly turned into yelling. You could easily make out Jumin’s voice, but who was the other voice? You spent two minutes focusing on nothing but the voice trying to dig into your memory to find any trace of this voice until it felt like a brick house had just collapsed on top of you.

It was Jihyun.

He had returned only to find out the love he spent two years bettering himself for, resisting every urge to see you until he was worthy of you.. was now carrying the child of his childhood friend. The phone slipped out of your hand as both hands were quick to cover your mouth, tears beginning to fall over the guilt that was weighing you down.

He had returned to you. You were meant to be his and his yours in return.. And you left him nothing to come home to buy pain and sorrow, heartbreak he hoped he would never feel again.. Collapsing to the floor you let out a cry that silenced both men on the other side of the phone, your arms wrapped around yourself as the tears hit the cold wooden floor.

You heard the phone be picked back up as Jihyun’s voice came through once more. “Why..” His voice was broken and tired, he had been crying.. When you didn’t respond he asked once more “Why have you done this MC?!” his voice rose in volume.

“Jih-” you attempted to speak before Jihyun was quick to cut you off once more, he was going to let all of his emotions out and you were going to be there for it so you knew exactly what you had done to him.

“All this time I spent trying to become a man worthy of you.. You were my new light MC. And all you’ve done is betray me... for Jumin?” He spoke softly, trying desperately not to show the true anger and sadness he was feeling.

“I tried to be as patient as I could, please Jihyun, you have to understand. I thought you weren’t coming back-”

“You know that I’ll always return to you. That’s what I told you before I left wasn’t it?”

“Yes.” You choked out through your sobs, now you had seen just how much you had thrown away. The man you wanted a future with and who loved you unconditionally, who you spent months telling that he could love again. Was starting to believe loving again was a mistake.

“Jihyun please.. Don’t leave.” You spoke once more, voice broken and trembling.

“I can’t make the mistake of staying again, that’s what ruined me in the first place.. I’m sorry MC, but this is the end. I did truly love you, You can have Jumin’s staff come collect your things from my home, there’s a scrapbook I made you can keep as well, I no longer wish to have it.” Were his final words before hanging up, this was the last conversation you ever had with him.

Days later you had discovered from Seven that Jihyun left the RFA. You then heard from Zen that he had left Korea, to where he didn’t know. Jihyun tried to convince himself that he deserved to love again, he deserved happiness. He spent everyday trying to move on with his life. But no matter how hard he tried, he didn’t believe in himself anymore. He wasn’t worthy of anything, all he would do.. Is disappoint.

Four years later you were in the penthouse preparing breakfast for your daughter, Lucy. Jumin was away on a business trip so that left you, Lucy, and of course Elizabeth in the penthouse. As she sat at the kitchen island with the brightest smile on her face and eyes full of wonder she watched you flip the panckes, “Mommy, can I flip a pancake?” She asked, you looked up to her and smiled in return. “One day sweetheart, maybe tomorrow?” She nodded excitedly as you plated her pancakes sitting them in front of her before continuing to make your own.

After breakfast you were washing the dishes when you heard a quiet knock on the door, you weren’t expecting any visitors today? As your eyes squinted you placed the dishes back into the sink and headed towards the door. Opening it slowly you noticed it was the mail attendant that worked in the building. “This is for you Mrs Han.” He spoke handing you a white envelope. You didn’t usually get mail so this took you by surprise. “Oh, um. Thank you.” You spoke quietly as he slightly tilted his head downwards and walked back down the hallway towards the elevators.

As you closed the door back and locked it you had an unsettling feeling growing inside you though you weren’t sure why, looking down to the letter you opened it slowly, the unsettling feeling continuing to grow.

As you took the paper out of the envelope you could instantly tell this was no ordinary letter. Reading over it with caution your eyes began to water, You then took out the second letter in the envelope and read over that one, You felt the tears begin to fall and didn’t bother to hold them back, you shook your head placing both hands on either side of your head. “No, no, no!” You cried out as you fell to your knees, “This can’t be happening.. He can’t be…” Your thoughts grew quiet as you let the tears fall letting go of the letter you hugged yourself as the letter slowly fell to the floor.

_“Mrs. Han,_

_We regret to inform you that Mr. Jihyun Kim has passed away as of the 31st of July. He suffered a gunshot wound right between his ribs, while emergency vehicles tried their best to keep him stable during the drive he unfortunately didn’t make it to the hospital. We send you this letter as it was his final wish, There is another letter inside this envelope with a written letter from Mr Kim that he managed to write before he passed._

_We’re sorry for your loss.”_

_“My dearest MC,_

_It’s me, Jihyun. I’m writing this letter to let you know that I forgive you. I understand why you couldn’t wait.. I didn’t mean to make you wait so long.. I was so tempted to come back early, I had to cancel so many flights, but I'm sure you’ve looked over the scrapbook by now. I want my final words to be to you and you alone. And those words being…_

_I will always love you, My dearest MC_

_With all of my love,_

_Jihyun.”_


	2. Finding The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been a year since Jihyun passed away, and the grief is not letting you go. Blaming yourself for what happened, what can be done to fix it?

Numbness. That’s all you felt. An emotionless imitation of a human without a soul, a simple shell of who you used to be. You were no longer the bright and fun girl you once were, not since that dreadful day. It had been a year since Jihyun passed away and every day since then your own guilt was attacking you like a pack of starving wolves that would never be satisfied. Memories playing in your mind like a never ending twisted tale of happiness you could no longer feel, nothing remained but the regret. Why did you do this? Why did you betray him? If you had waited just a little longer he would still be here, with you.

You were currently sat in front of the dark marbled stone carved elegantly with Jihyun's name, the soft grass under your legs cooling your senses as your fingers trailed the quotation on the tomb.

_"Even the darkest night will end, And the sun will rise."_

You came to visit his grave every weekend whether you came alone or with your daughter, There was never much talking when you visited apart from the occasional whispered apologies that would never reach him, yet, you always knew you couldn’t leave without saying several times over. Today however, was different.

Every fiber of your being ached with a crushing invisible pain, you had so many words left unsaid suffocating you, growing thick and heavy in your throat. Each day the grip getting tighter and tighter until you would snap or implode from the intensity. There was a universe of regret, grief and longing pressing down upon your soul and for the sake of even the smallest slither of your sanity. You needed to speak the haunted words.

“You didn't deserve this.” You began speaking, your voice broke as soon as the words fell from your lips, sending the well of tears cascading down your cheeks, from the metaphorical cage you had been keeping them. You didn't wipe them away like you had so many times before, instead you stood in place, letting them fall freely, blurring your vision as you gazed upon the cursive name on the stone.

“I always told you that you deserved love.. And you did, you still do. But I was beginning to doubt us so much that I ruined our love, our life. And I have no excuse other than my own mind becoming dark.” you take a breath, a feeble attempt to steady the shaking voice tumbling from you without hesitation “I made you believe you didn’t deserve anything.. History repeats right?” you ask knowing you would never get a response. “I love you so much, but my mind turned it into darkness trying to swallow your sun...Just like she did.” Your voice trailed off for a moment as your mind began pulling forward the memories of the past while the deafening silence of the graveyard began to surge forward with a pressure you had never felt before.

Jihyun had always told you that you were so much better for him than Rika. He said time and time again that their love was nothing more than an obsession and the love you two shared was something akin to a fairy tale. He always made sure you knew that his heart and soul belonged to you and you alone. You believed yourself and Rika were two separate people, and that you would give him everything he deserved, everything she didn’t give him. But in the end, what difference was there? apart from the endings nothing seemed different. You both ruined him completely.

You take another breath and began to speak once more. “Lately I'm beginning to think I don’t deserve anything I have.. It should have been yours. A beautiful marriage and family.. I don’t deserve any of it. Not after what I did. I’m no better than her.” with the confession finally leaving you, your hands fall to the grass gripping the cool green fibers as you hoped for the heavy weight to leave. The silence remained, still and yet deafening for the moments you sat there before turning your eyes to stare up at the sky. Gray clouds had begun to rob the sunlight and the skies usual soft blue. This you were somewhat grateful for as even the sky reminded you of him, after all, the sun is the mother of all living things.

Your broken voice spoke out on it’s own as your eyes never left the graying canopy above you. “There isn't a moment of peace within my mind anymore… every waking moment you plague my every thought, leaving me to debate if I should leave this world without a word, head for the punishment I deserve. Maybe I should join you.." despite of yourself your voice cracked again a silent sob breaking your words. “But I wouldn't be joining you, would I Jihyun?, There is no doubt in my mind you are free from the earthly pain in heaven where as I… I will not be able to join you there.”

Your mind flashed to the thought of your beloved daughter, her smiling face echoes behind your eyes, Her looks had taken after Jumin though she had your eyes. You would give up heaven and earth for her happiness. She was your world, your sun, your reason to breath. “But Lucy..” You got quiet once more, you could never leave Lucy behind right? You wouldn’t let her suffer the fate of growing up without a mother.. Right?

Some days it seemed like it didn’t matter, she would have Jumin, a man more than capable of taking care of her on his own. But you couldn’t leave Jumin behind either. He was your husband and you would give your life in place of his very own if you had to. As your mind continued it’s war with itself you felt a raindrop fall onto your forehead. Your attention now brought back into reality, your eyes began glancing over the clouds that had turned dark as the rain began to fall, luckily at the moment it was only a soft drizzle, the rain had always relaxed you in the past, the cooling sensation of the droplets landing on your face and arms had your mind relaxing for the first time in what seemed to be forever.

Looking back down to Jihyun’s tombstone you smiled softly as you stood. “I should get home before the rain picks up, I love you.” Your fingers lingered over the cold marble before turning away and walking towards the graveyard entrance gate. It was a metal arch with flowers ranging from Roses to Forget me not, all of them covering the vines they lay on as they wrapped around the entire arch from bottom to top. If you didn’t know any better you would say it looked more like a wedding arch.

The sound of a car horn broke your thoughts as you turned to see Driver Kim awaiting for your arrival. You smiled softly as he stepped out of the car watching you walk over to the black limousine, quickly stepping around the front of the car and towards the back passenger side door, he held the door open for you to get inside as he bowed his head slightly with a sympathetic smile much like every time before. It had become routine.

As you stepped up to the door the rain had begun to fall faster without warning, you quickly got inside before you watched as Kim ran back to his drivers door, as he sat back in his seat with a sigh before looking back over his shoulder at you, you met his gaze and quickly before he could say anything you began speaking. “I wanted to thank you for bringing me here today and for every other weekend in the past. I can not tell you how much it means to me even if I tried.” Your voice was soft, your face and eyes still a soft red from the emotional overload you had given up holding in.

He smiled softly in return and nodded. “Anything to help you feel more at ease Mrs. Han.” turning his eyes forward once more he started the engine, as the limousine pulled away from the graveyard you watched the raindrops on the window as they slid down, you began the childhood game of betting which rain droplet would reach the bottom of the window the quickest. It was a good distraction for a few moments until your eyes get lost in the blurring colors of homes and trees as you drove by.

The rest of the ride to the penthouse was quiet only the sound of rain hitting the roof and the gentle rumble of the engine to accompany your thoughts. It didn't take you awfully long before Driver Kim pulled up in front of the penthouse he stepped out of the limousine opening an umbrella before he walked over to your door, opening it for you while also being sure to keep the umbrella over you. You stepped out you thanked him once more before he walked you into the building.

The elevator ride up to the penthouse seemed like it was going on forever thought it had only been a few seconds. Your thoughts took this opportunity to crawl inside the deep parts of your brain, whispering in your ear as if it were a quiet, distant lover of toxicity.

_“Jihyun’s dead because of you.”_

_“You just couldn’t wait could you?”_

It’s voice then growing until it was dark and demanding, it sounded like the Devil himself was standing right behind you telling you everything you already knew. Everything you already hated about yourself, about the way things had turned out.

_“You should be the one dead. Not Jihyun.”_

_“You don’t deserve this marriage or family.”_

Your eyes began to well up with tears once more as the coed words repeated in the depths of your soul, until you shake your head, seemingly breaking your mind from the dark thoughts. You felt a single tear run down your cheek as you sighed, “How many times am I going to cry today dammit.” muttering to nobody but yourself and you quickly wiped the stray streak away from your eyes with your sleeve. As the elevator finally opened you stepped out made for the penthouse door. Inserting the key and turning it you heard the click of the unlocking mechanism allowing you entry so you pushed it open.The penthouse was dark so you had to assume Jumin and Lucy weren’t home.

Stepping inside you turned on the lights, Elizabeth walked up to you and greeting you with a quiet mewl as you closed the door behind you with your foot, She circled around your leg, demanding your attention. With a smile you lean over to pet her, The soft white fur was the most beautiful thing you have ever seen, she was surely like a second daughter to both you and Jumin. “It’s nice to see you too, come on, you must be hungry.” You said as you slipped off your shoes, leaving them by the front door before walking over to the glass balcony door to retrieve her food bowl which was now empty, then proceed to walk into the kitchen, as you opened the tab to a can of cat food Elizabeth was quick to jump on the counter and rub her head against your arm while meowing, making you laugh softly.

Putting her food into her bowl, you carried the bowl back to it’s usual location. Elizabeth following close behind, as you placed her bowl down she was quick to begin eating and you were sure to give her a few more scratches behind her ear before standing back up. You suddenly had finally felt the effect of all the crying from earlier take place, suddenly drained of all your energy you made your way into the bedroom.

After a minute of stumbling to find the light switch the glass chandelier lit up, illuminating the whole room. You glanced over the room to see nothing had been moved since you left a few hours ago. You were indeed curious as to where Jumin and Lucy were, but the thoughts got pushed to the back of your mind as you became dizzy while walking over to the dresser. Once there, you grabbed a simple black tank top with floral silk shorts laying them out on the bed. Stripping your day clothes off and placing them into the basket in the far corner of the room before making your way back over to the bed to put your laid out clothes on.

Finally pulling back the thick white blanket and pure silk sheets you laid on the bed, the sheets were cool from the mix of silk and the air conditioned bedroom. But they didn’t make you flinch, it was a welcome feeling that you happily signed into, your eyelids soon became heavy as you drifted off to sleep.

When you woke up everything felt different, The cool touch of the silk sheets was no longer there, slowly moving your hand in a circle beside your waist you felt some a rough texture, curiously moving your hand lower you felt dirt. Were you in a field? As you tried to open your eyes you were blinded by light, but this wasn’t your regular bedroom light, this was much brighter. “Sunlight.” you thought before forcing your eyes back shut, you gave them a second to rest before attempting to re-open them slowly, the light still blinding but settled down once your managed to get your eyes open.

Slowly sitting up to get a bearing of your surroundings you were left confused and slightly nervous, you were in a sunflower field. “How did I get here?” you mumbled to yourself before standing up, noting you were no longer in your pajamas, you were now in a spaghetti strap white sundress that went down to your mid thighs with a soft pink floral pattern.

Even more confused, you glanced over the field. There was nothing but sunflowers that seemed they could go on for miles. In your confusion you heard the crunching of grass behind you, tensing up for only a second before turning around quickly, your hair falling over your left shoulder.

Your eyes widened and as they took in the shock of mint hair, yours eyes quickly glancing over his face before landing on the mint eyes that you had fallen in love with so long ago. “Jih-” You couldn’t even finish your words before tears began to stain your cheeks. Quickly you ran over to him and embraced him tightly, burying your face into his shirt as your tears began to stain it, the soft feeling of his heart beat along with your senses instantly picking up the comforting smell of his pipe had you in pure bliss.

He chuckled softly embracing you in return, his fingers slowly running through your hair giving you a sense of calmness as your breathing slowed down. “It’s lovely to see you again, You’re as beautiful as ever.” He spoke as he gently lifted your head up to cup your cheek with one hand as the other rested on your waist, currently wiping the tears that threatened to turn your face red with his thumb.

For a split second you forgot that he’s supposed to be dead, and that’s when it hit you. The pain in your heart realizing this was nothing but an illusion. “This is a dream isn’t it?” You spoke in a whisper, your hand reaching up to gently stroke his cheek, he was a solid human being. Giving your heart all the more reason to be shattering.

His smile fell for a second before nodding. “Yes, but what matters right now is that we’re able to be together again, even if only for a few minutes. Words can not describe how much I’ve missed you.” His eyes scanning every inch of your face trying to photograph this moment with his mind, that way he’ll always have you.

You smiled before shaking your head. “I’m so sorry Jihyun. You don’t deserve what happened.” He quickly placed his thumb over your lips to stop you from speaking any further as he brushed another stray tear.

“You need to stop blaming yourself for what happened to me, you weren’t even there darling.” He spoke softly, “But I should have been!” You quickly returned. Slowly backing out of his embrace instantly missing the contact, your arms wrapped around your form, hugging yourself while not daring to look at him in the eyes.

“If I had just been a little more patient Jihyun, it would be us together, forever.. Like it should have always been.” Your voice breaking as you looked down to the ground, feeling guilty in a million and one ways you then looked back up for your eyes to become locked with his, he sighed softly and walked over to you, gently cupping your face with his hands once more as your hands moved to rest on his chest, mindlessly playing with the fabric of his shirt.

“That’s not your fault either. I was the one who had you waiting for so long. I should have followed my instinct and came home to you after a few months, I can’t describe how much I would have loved to see you as Mrs. Kim. But I guess fate had other plans for us.” His eyes never leaving yours, his voice was fragile, anyone could tell he was trying his best to keep himself composed.

Your body had found more tears, even you were growing tired of crying this much in one day but you also knew you weren’t going to try and stop it. “Maybe it looked into the future and saw that I was no better than Rika, it deeming that I in fact didn’t deserve you.” You smiled softly through the tears letting out a quiet, weak chuckle. “You always were too good to be true.”

“MC.” He spoke firmly before moving to a softer tone. “You are so much better than Rika ever was, because what we had was true love.”

Your eyes squinted slightly, “How can you call it that after what I did to you? If I had known you were coming back in a few months I would have never…” You voice trailed off.

“Because MC, we never stopped loving each other. Everyday apart from you was spent thinking about you, wanting to run to Jumin’s penthouse and take you back for myself. I always carried a picture of you in my wallet right behind my old ID card.” He then looked over to the setting sun. “You thought about me as well right?” He asked quietly, almost inaudible.

“Of course I did.” You replied in the same whisper. “I still do, everyday i’m buried with the guilt of the pain you carried because of me. You died alone because of me!” Your voice rose in volume though you quickly calmed yourself.

“But I wasn’t alone.” He moved his hands down to yours, entwining your fingers with his own before beginning to speak once more. “Because I thought about you. My very last words both written and spoken, were to you. I couldn’t leave the world without telling you I had forgiven you so long before I wrote the letter. And I will always love you.” He then acted without thinking and quickly moved his lips to yours.

Your eyes widened at the shock of the sudden contact but you slowly melted into the kiss, his hand rested on the back of your neck and your own moved into his hair. The kiss was soft and gentle but filled with passion. After you both pulled away he smiled “Forgive me, but I couldn’t leave without a last kiss.”

You felt another twinge of pain at your heart with his words, you knew this was still a dream, but you would give anything for it to be a reality. “Leave? Will I see you in my dreams again?” You asked as your hands moved back to his chest gripping his shirt gently.

“Possibly.” He stated as his own hands moved to your waist, then locked eyes with you as his voice became serious. “MC I need you to promise me something.” You slowly nodded waiting for him to continue. “You need to stop blaming yourself because of me and start moving on with what you have in life. Jumin’s a good man, he takes good care of you and Lucy. And he loves you very much, he’d give the entire universe up for you if given the chance. You need to promise to become the Mrs. Han you deserve to be, a strong wife and mother with a beautiful family and never ending love. It’s what you deserve.”

You smiled and nodded. “I promise, Thank you Jihyun, I really needed to hear that, I love you.” Your voice turned quiet at the end.

Jihyun smiled “I love you too. You’ll be waking up in a few seconds. Always remember our promise, you’ll be an excellent mother and wife. I believe in you MC.” He pushed a strand of hair behind your ear as he gently kissed your forehead.

You woke up realizing you were back in your bedroom, the scent of vanilla filling your senses as you heard a sigh of relief. You looked to the end of the bed to see Jumin with a relieved look on his face, as you sat up he quickly stepped over to you and embraced you as you returned his embrace, his face resting in the crook of your neck taking in the vanilla scent that had clung to your hair from the incense in the room. “Thank goodness, I’ve been trying to wake you up for the past ten minutes, When you didn’t respond I thought I would have to call an ambulance.” He moved back only for his hands to gently run down your arms before resting on your thighs.

“I’m sorry I made you worry. I must have been more tired than I thought.” You spoke before getting the thought. “Where were you and Lucy earlier?” You asked curiously, your eyes squinting slightly. As if on cue Lucy ran into the room instantly running into your arms. “Are you okay Mommy?” she asked quickly, her voice full of concern as she gripped onto your tank top, afraid if she lets go you’ll vanish.

“Mommy’s fine sweetheart.” You both took a moment to embrace each other, She never failed to show you how much she loved you and how important you were to her. You left a soft kiss on her head as your fingers gently ran through the black strands of her hair.

Jumin waited a moment before answering your question. “I had an emergency meeting, since you were out I took Lucy with me and assistant Kang watched over her. I sent you a text but I can imagine you didn’t see it.” He smiled softly cupping your cheek with his hand.

You smiled in return placing your hand over his before leaning into it to place a gentle kiss on the palm of his hand. “I love you, Jumin.” And you meant it, Since Jihyun died, Jumin had never gotten upset that all of your thoughts were with another, he understood how important he was to you and let you go through your grieving process at your own pace, giving you all the time and space you needed to heal. And for that you would be forever thankful.

He leaned in to kiss you, as your lips met, Lucy pulled away and made a jokingly disgusted face. “Ew, Mommy!” she whined as you slowly pulled away from the kiss. “I love you so much more.” Jumin said in his rare soft voice that was as smooth as silk itself, returning your statement.

You thought for a moment until your eyes lit up with a perfect idea for your family to spend some quality time together. “Jumin, why don’t we take a family vacation to the island your father gave you? Just for a week?” You asked in a hopeful voice. Lucy’s eyes seemed to light up right after yours as she looked over to Jumin.

“Please Daddy! I would love to see the dolphins again!” Her favorite place in the beach house was the glass doored balcony that overlooked the ocean, on some mornings dolphins could be seen jumping out of the water and Lucy couldn’t get enough of it.

Jumin smiled as he nodded once more. “A week sounds perfect. I’ll go to the morning meeting tomorrow and inform them that I'll be away, I’ll call Assistant Kang now so she can clear my schedule, then all of my time is focused on my girls.” He kissed you once more before standing up, business phone in hand. “We’ll leave tomorrow afternoon. Is that alright?” He looked over to you for confirmation.

“It’s perfect.” You agreed before he walked out of the room to call Jaehee, You looked over to the clock to see it was just about dinner time, looking over to Lucy you stood from the bed and smiled “Come on sweetheart, you can help Mommy make dinner.” She grew excited once more, nodding quickly before dashing to the kitchen.

You had every intention of starting your promise to Jihyun right now. This beautiful family, is what you deserve.


End file.
